The key word in that title is “I”. I’m fairly certain at this point this “dream” was exactly that. “I” have dreamed for 10+ years about being a full-time music director in a contemporary church. The fact is this. Churches that match my skill set are either too big, and want someone more skilled than me, or are very small and are only looking for someone part-time, which won’t support my family.
The signs have been there, I’ve just been too blind to see them.
I was told by a leader that I trust, that even though I had led the music team successfully for 4+ years as a volunteer, that I wouldn’t be hired as a staff member. I needed to serve in the “minor leagues” before I could serve in the “major leagues”. That I had major league talent, but no experience. Not what I wanted to hear.
I was told about 18 months ago by another leader exactly what I’ve experienced above. My skill set is not condusive to the job that I covet. I’m not skilled enough for the big churches, and don’t know enough about media & video, for the medium churches, and small churches can’t support my family. He was right, but I didn’t want to accept it.
Since then, I’ve applied for 3 full-time positions. The first two, it has become fairly obvious that I wasn’t what they were “looking” for. After all, contemporary churches aren’t looking for a 40 year old, overweight worship leader to lead their body in worship week in & week out. Is it perception? It was initially, but I’ve actually heard the words spoken in one case, and had it honestly confirmed from another friend in leadership at the other church.
The third situation was a big church in which my skills just didn’t match up.
Now, before we all jump to my defense, let me defend myself. I’m honestly not all that upset by it. I’m most disappointed in all of the time that I’ve wasted. That’s not to say that God hasn’t used me, or still can’t use me. I’m serving in a wonderfully healthy situation right now. Good leadership. Humble leadership. Encouraging leadership. I could serve every week right now if I could, but with 3 small children and a really talented wife, I need to keep the boundries where they are currently at. I’m ok with that. I’ve been encouraged in my giftedness, and am confident in time, I’ll once again get to stretch my worship leader wings. The time just isn’t now. Patience isn’t one of my strong points, so I’m sure God will teach me a lot in this season.
So what’s next?…….
I keep on keepin’ on. I continue to battle my weight, almost hourly. I continue to do the best job husbanding and parenting my family. I continue to be the best job of teaching band that I can, trying to focus more on my students experience, and worry less about what the critique of the MS & HS staff. I continue to serve God when & where I can, to the best that I can. Look for opportunities to stretch & grow when they present themselves.
It’s time for a new dream. It’s never too late……….