Solitude………

…… is such a dirty word.

I hate being alone.

I’ve always hated being alone.

If I was ever captured by the enemy, no need for drips of water, bamboo shoots, or electric shock.

Just leave me alone.

Actually, if I’m honest and really want to dig into this issue, it’s not so much being alone, but being quiet.  I very rarely put myself in a situation where there is no sound and no activity happening in some form or fashion.

An example of my day……

–  Wake up, go into the bathroom, turn on the radio.

–  leave the bathroom, put on my headphones, and get ready for school.

–  leave home for school, turn on the radio

–  give lessons at school, listen to the radio between lessons and at lunch.

–  leave school for home, turn on the radio in the car.

–  get home from school, turn on the tv, play with kids (definately not quiet).

–  put kids to bed, watch tv;  check email, turn on radio.

–  go to bed, turn on radio.  If Joni and I go to bed at the same time, I wear my walkman and listen to the radio  while I sleep.

–  when I work around the house, I’m either listening to the radio, or my ipod.

Why is it that I avoid silence?  I really think it’s because of the voices in my head.  No really, I hear things.  I have mental conversations with people.  Don’t get me wrong, the people are real, they aren’t make believe, just the conversations that I have with them.  Sometimes they’re friendly, often times they’re confrontational.  I’ll have entire conversations, complete with alternate “routes” and “endings”.

I’m also fairly certain that if I was honest, I’d also hear some fairly convicting thoughts and leadings from the Holy Spirit (shiver).

Having said all of that, why don’t I just “fast” from all of the noise.  Turn off the tv and radio for a day, heaven forbid a  WEEK!!!  The thought of that almost causes me to twitch.  Why all the noise!!!!  Why the “fear” of silence?  What am I afraid of “hearing”?

I suppose I’ll have to discuss this at my “appt.” this week too.

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1 Comment

Filed under "Head" issues

One response to “Solitude………

  1. Alternate endings, huh? Do you ever get the director’s commentary to the converstations in your head. I do. I mean, I have a friend who does.

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