Don’t get me wrong, we’re not made of money, but my kids have way more toys than they actually play with in a year.

But yesterday, I’m replacing some screens in our screen door, and went inside for just a minute to put the fish sticks in the oven.  I return back to my driveway to find my 3 children playing with garbage.  They had taken all of the screen scraps, the cardboard tube the screen came on, and anything else they found in the can and had it strewn around my driveway in some sort of fantasy playland.

I swear……

………..we’re just one step away from mowing and fertilizing our lawn with barnyard animals.

Mike emailed me yesterday and asked me if I could crank out a chart for a song our team is doing this weekend a The Orchard.

I love transcribing and making chord charts, so a request like this generally a no brainer for me.  The hardest part is generally finding accurate lyrics online so I don’t have to type them in.

This song absolutely rocked my world, both musically and lyrically.  It talks of a mindset that I’ve had and am trying to overcome.

It’s The Only One You’ve Got - 3 Doors Down

Verse 1:How do you know where you’re going
When you don’t know where you’ve been
You hide the shame that you’re not showing
And you won’t let anyone in
A crowded street can be a quiet place
When you’re walking alone
And now you think that you’re the only one

Pre-Chorus:  who doesn’t Have to try
And you won’t have to feel
If you’re afraid to fight
Then i guess you never will

Chorus:  You hide behind your walls of ‘maybe nevers’
Forgetting that there’s something more
Than just knowing better
Your mistakes do not define you now
They tell you who you’re not
You’ve got to live this life you’re given
Like it’s the only one you’ve got

Verse 2:  Memories have left you broken
And the scars have never healed
The emptiness in you is growing
But so little left to fill
You’re scared to look back on the days before
You’re too tired to move on
And now you think that you’re the only one who doesn’t

Pre-Chorus:

Chorus 2:

Bridge:  What would it take
To get you to say that i’ll try
And what would you say if
This was the last day of your life

Choruses 3 & 4:

So you read my last post and get the idea that I might be in some sort of trouble.  Truth be told I’m feeling sorry for myself.  Still hurts, but then it’s all about me.

And then there’s this.

Please forgive my self-centeredness.

Heard some stuff that I didn’t want to hear.  Very painful, but more disappointing.  Held back tears then, and holding them back now as I type.

I’m working on accepting that it’s what God has chosen for me.  I trust the person I talked to, because I’ve never been given a reason not to.

I’m a very lucky man, with a great wife and family, and good friends, yet in this one area of my life, I’ve remained unfulfilled for just over 6 years now. 

Out of obedience to man, I asked for forgiveness (40+ times), received it but really felt no change in me.  I chose to forgive out of obedience to God, and experienced an enormous blessing for it.  I feel justified based on the fruit of my experience, and have felt that I had honestly moved on.

Last night dredged it all up again, to no fault of the person I talked to.  I love them for their honesty and for the courage that it took to tell me the last 10%.

If “it” is MY desire, I pray that it goes away so that it won’t hurt anymore.  Wrong motivation I know.  I should pray that MY desire is replaced with HIS desire, but I’m not there yet.  I pray for and am excited about the other opportunities we discussed.  I pray for them to present themselves and for the courage, energy, and motivation to go after them.

I confess, there’s a part of me that wants to take my toys and go home, but I couldn’t do it 6 years ago when I was justified, so why take the steps backwards as a man of God and do it now.

I feel far from you now God.  I’ve been functioning out of obedience to you for a long time now.  I’ll be punished if I don’t.  Again, I know that’s not from You, just how I’m feeling.

I honestly don’t know what any of this means.   

Sorry.  It’s been a while since I’ve posted.  No reason really, I just haven’t felt like I have much to say.  Actually, we’ve had a lot of stuff going on with Joni’s health, and she’s done a really good job of posting about it.  Check it out here if you’re interested.

We do however have some decisions to make in the coming weeks, and if you’re so inclined, feel free to check in.

I’m registered to start taking classes this fall at the Illinois Center for Broadcasting.  I’ve always been super interested in T.V. and Radio, specifically radio.  Joni and I decided that it would be cool for me to take some night classes to learn some more about the business and how it all works.  In a 10 month period of time, they teach you everything from Sports play by play, to behind the scenes video editing and production, to voice overs.  Pretty exciting stuff.  A potential new career in something that seems really fun and outside of anything I’ve ever done.  I believe I’d get to mesh my love of sports, radio, creativity, and my dumb voices into a career.

It also means that I’ll be out of commission for any sort of church service for almost 10 months.  That actually all depends on what night classes meet, and will they conflict with rehearsals at The Orchard.  It also not realistic that I’d get a job right out of the box that would support my family.  Chances are, I’d be doing part-time radio/tv for a while until I could build up enough clout and experience to go full time.  Hard work and scary.

Teaching didn’t seem to suck as much this year, which is something new.  I worked some new things into my r  o  u  t  i  n  e  that kept me generally interested in going to work each day.  If I choose the safe path, I can take more teaching classes, move over a few more lanes on the salary schedule, make a little more money each year, and support my family with a stable job, and keep my 15 weeks of vacation.  Not much fun, but very safe, stable and comfortable.

Either option will cost money.  We’ll probably do student loans for the Radio stuff, and probably just do credit cards for the teaching stuff.  We’ve got pretty good credit right now.

The other thing bouncing around in my head is my music ministry.  I love the arts ministry that Mike is leading at The Orchard, and being a part of it.  As leaders, I would follow Scott and Chris anywhere.  But to this point, I feel that my music ministry has stagnated.  Notice that I said “MY” music ministry.  Is it perhaps that I’m not listening for what God has in store for me and following my own wants?  Quite possible, but it goes against all of the other confirmation that I’ve felt over the past few years.  At this point, I’ll continue to remain patient, and keep praying for opportunities to present themselves.

Whatever we decide will be a step of faith that will include varying amounts of fear and varying amounts of comfort for my family.

Thoughts?  Advice?  Direction?  Discernment?

Chris Bell punched me in the face yesterday at church, and then I read this.

If you don’t have a bloody nose after reading that, then you’re more together than I am.

Most of you have probably heard of the study that Willow Creek put together called “Reveal”. In a really bare bones nutshell version, they polled their body and found that the programs (small groups, mens & womens groups, etc.) were not meeting the needs that they thought they were meeting.

I’ve had a couple of conversations, trying to put to bed the myth that Willow is finally “coming back to the bible”. Chris Bell put it so much better than I ever could.

Check it out here.

We’ve had two major miracles happen in our household this past week.

This is a picture of the display on our stereo in our truck.  It hasn’t lit up in at least 3 years.  Joni snapped this picture on her phone yesterday.  HEALED!!!! ….. but for how long.

Secondly……..

About a year ago, our 15 1/2 year old cat was diagnosed as diabetic.  Last week at his “senior” checkup, he was given a clean bill of health.  I’m quite certain we have the prayers of my mom and brother to thank for this, as they have always been two of Goofy’s biggest fans.

Perhaps “Science Diet Senior” for cats is the cure for diabetes that we’ve all been looking for.  It could also be the 20 hours a day that he sleeps.

Who says miracles never happen.

The Diaper Genie went to the curb this morning!!!

We are officially diaperless at the Ruhs home.  Now if we can get the cat to use his litter box on a more consistent basis………

Here he is!!

We adopted him from the DuPage County Animal Control, after we looked at him and 3 other dogs.  He seemed to fit our personality. 

He’s a lab/Rottweiler mix.  His head is obviously Rott, and his body and personality are all Lab.  The shelter figures that he’s about 2 years old.

I’m sure we’ll keep you posted as to how he adjusts, not to mention his older brother below.